If you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. ~Matthew 17:20

Sunday, September 28, 2014

What A Week

Since returning from Los Angeles in May, everything has been click, click, clicking along.  We put our house up for sale, Cole and I got jobs while we're in Little Rock and everyone is happy and healthy.  Then, this week happened.  Seems no matter what I did or didn't do, something went wrong.  Ever have one of those days/weeks?

On Monday, Cole received a call from his Agent that he is needed back in LA mid-October to mid-November to continue filming the tv show he has been working on (I promise I will be able to officially announce it in January!).  While this is exciting news, it is also very stressful to me to put everything here on hold, pack up, find a place to stay in LA, go re-join the rat race for a month and hope that we get to come home before Thanksgiving.  I'm trying to remember to be grateful for this opportunity for Cole but I will be very happy when we are permanently settled in LA.

On Tuesday, I had my first not-so-charming experience at Charming Charlie.  I had not only one but THREE separate incidents of shoplifting during my eight-hour shift.  Seriously?  I actually witnessed the second shoplifter put two necklaces in a bag she was carrying and I confronted her and made it clear that that was NOT ok (think crazy eyes and a very loud voice on my part and you can imagine what I looked like to her!).  I called security and walked her to the register so she could PAY for the necklaces I just had her remove from her bag, and then asked the security officer to walk her out.  I hope I embarrassed her and I hope she doesn't even think of coming back to our store.  Unfortunately, with the other perps, I felt that they had taken something but I didn't actually see them do it so I am not allowed to approach them.  However, I am permitted to dog them like a blood hound and never let them out of my sight while simultaneously giving them the evil eye.  Ugh, it spoiled my entire day and almost made me want to turn in my resignation (seriously, I was that upset).  But dear hubby reminded me that, unfortunately, that is part of today's society and I shouldn't let it spoil my spark for my love of the job.  I asked my Manager if I could have a sparkly black t-shirt made up that says in rhinestones, "I have my eye on you" while also wearing a vest that holds my pink pepper spray and my pink tazer.  She didn't think it was a great idea.  But, I think I'll keep bringing it up at the Manager meetings.  ;)

Wednesday night as Brad and Spencer were coming home, a tree had fallen by the pond and was blocking the road.  Living in the country, that is nothing unusual but as Brad wrapped his log chain around the tree to prepare to haul it out of the road, he came in contact with either Poison Ivy, Poison Oak or Poison Sumac.  Needless to say, when he woke up Friday morning, his arms, his right eye and parts of his legs were covered in angry looking blisters.  After a trip to the doctor and a double shot of steroids, I am hoping that the itching and oozing will stop soon.

And to round out this week, this was the picture on my phone that was waiting for me when I got off work Saturday.  
It may be hard to see but seems we have a FAMILY of Diamondback Rattle snakes that have made their home in our electrical transformer at the end of our driveway!  $%#%&*&^**^&!!!!  I can't even begin to tell you how freaked out I am and to top it off, Brad can't shoot them, set them on fire or put a grenade in the hole (electrical transformer go boom?).  So.....we will have to hire Wildlife Relocators (think Bubba and Bubba Jr.) as well as have personnel from Entergy here who will open the transformer and let the Bubba Brothers somehow get the snakes out.  I don't want to be here, I don't want to see pictures and I don't want to hear about it.  I just want them gone! 

To ease my tension, I have been cooking.  A lot.  On my day off, I find myself in my kitchen for hours preparing meals and freezing them so that during the week when life is crazy, I can reach into the freezer and pull out something that is not filled with loads of artificial junk and preservatives.  It has helped me relax and it makes the boys happy to have a "real" dinner (not pb&j) when I work late.
  Today, I made Hawaiian BBQ Beef TaquitosTrisha Yearwood's Chicken Tortilla Casserole, and The Pioneer Woman's Chicken Pot Pie.  All of these recipes freeze fabulously and are easy for the boys to pull out and heat up.  All set until next weekend.

As I sat down at my desk this afternoon to tackle a stack of papers, I saw this picture hanging on my bulletin board....
Yep, I really need to have this tattooed on my arm to serve as a reminder.  Every.  Single.  Day.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!"
~Psalm 118:1

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Worse Parent Ever

When I was a teenager, I wasn't like most of my friends.  Not because I was taller than all of them or had a strange sense of humor, but because most of my friends couldn't wait to graduate, get married and start having a family.  Me?  All I could think about was graduating and moving to New York City to be in fashion merchandising or an interior decorator.  My dreams did not include a husband nor children.

Fast forward to the day after I turned 25 when I was standing at the altar, facing an incredibly handsome and loving man and saying "I do" in front of my family and friends.  My dream of NYC went by the wayside and was replaced with a dream for a family.  Funny how my dreams never gave one thought to how incredibly difficult parenting can be, especially if one of your children has extenuating circumstances.

So, this week I have totally screwed up as a parent, to both boys.  Fear has ruled my week and has caused me to be irrational, emotional, self-centered, judgmental, and confrontational and all this before I even got out of bed Monday morning!  It was all downhill from there which meant the boys never stood a chance.

As most of you know, we have been touring college campuses with Spencer.  We left it up to him to decide which campuses he wanted to tour and subsequently contact the appropriate person, schedule the tour and then give us the address and the time.  I was amazed that I made it through all the tours without a) carrying a bottle of wine and drinking straight from the bottle, and b) crying and blubbering to Brad about how our "baby" is too young to be going to college.  We walked, we saw, we oohed and aahed, we listened, we let Spencer do all the talking, we didn't cry (well, I did once but who's counting), and we gathered all the necessary information.

And then last night it hit me.  We are actually touring these institutions of higher learning and contemplating letting our child LIVE there!  Like, stay overnight for several months at a time!  Or for YEARS!  THAT IS INSANE!!!  I freaked out.  I rushed into the kitchen and completely accosted Spencer and as my words were rushing out of my mouth and I saw the look on his face, I knew that, in his mind, I had just won the "Most Horrible Parent of the Year" award.  "You HAVE to go to college in the state we live in, be it Arkansas or California.", I said.  "You CAN'T go to school in Arkansas if we live in California.  That won't work.  What if something happens or you get sick and we're 2,000 miles away, what will you do?  What will WE do?  Nope that won't work."

The look of devastation on his face made me wish I could turn back the clock a mere 10 minutes and never say those words.  We have taught our boys to make decisions after prayerful consideration and here I was acting like a deranged lunatic and telling him all the things he COULD NOT do.  He was calm before he said, "Mom, I will not choose my school out of fear.  I will not let my disability define me.  I will follow the path that God has for me."  And with that, he went to bed.  Oh my, how I wish I was as brave and intelligent and trusting as my 18 year old.

And so today I am spending the day asking God to replace my fear with contentment, my questions with His answers, and my need to control anything and everything that has to do with Spencer by knowing that God will do that for me. 

"I am holding you by your right hand - I, the Lord Your God.  And I say to you, "Do not be afraid.  I am here to help you."
~Isaiah 41:13