I have so many friends that are experiencing the same thing I am feeling, although some of their situations are more critical and dire than mine. We are all looking for answers. Answers to questions that elude us every day, that are beyond our comprehension or just an answer to simply a question of "Why?".
My quest for answers has kept me so unsettled for the past two months. Why do I do that to myself? Faith and prayer, prayer and faith...with those two options in my corner, there should be nothing that keeps me awake at night. "Should be" is the key word.
My need of constantly wanting to know what is going to happen and what God has planned for us at every second of every day is driving me crazy. I really did think that I had relinquished that "habit" when we received Spencer's diagnosis 14 years ago. I mean, you can't control ANYTHING about a brain stem tumor and all that comes along with it and there are never any guarantees.
I realized this morning that God has been using my situation over these past two months to gently change my way of thinking. To trust completely. To be in His word. To have faith that He has only great things planned. To know that He is constantly working in the back ground, even when I don't see it. To realize that everything happens for a reason, even when I don't understand it.
I love this passage from my devotional "Worship the King":
"One of the greatest ways to honor God - to demonstrate your trust in who He is and how He works - is to relinquish your dreams to Him. Instead of asking Him to fulfill you according to your hopes and dreams, ask Him to fulfill you according to His hopes and dreams. It's a pretty sure bet that His plan for your life exceeds yours, and in the end it will be more satisfying than you ever dreamed. Trust Him with your heart. He knows exactly what it needs."
Are you struggling today? I am praying for our hearts to trust in the one and only true God that knows our hearts better than we do.
"Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul."