If you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. ~Matthew 17:20

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Embarrassing Hospital Moments

Anyone that I know that has spent any significant amount of time in the hospital knows how difficult it can be to do normal day-to-day activities in an environment that is anything but normal.  Think about it; at any given time of day or night, you have strangers all up in your business!  When Spencer is admitted to ACH, he is always placed on the 5th floor in the Rehab unit.  While it is wonderful to know the entire staff when we are admitted, it also can be very embarrassing when you do stupid things that are remembered and discussed for years afterwards, such as:

1. Taking a shower and forgetting your clothes so you wrap a tiny hospital towel around a large sized booty and try to tip toe to your suitcase.  Half way back to the bathroom, the door opens and in walks the Pulmonologist with all the current Pulmonary Residents (15 of them).  Yep, as much as they may try to forget that sight it will be stuck in their minds for a while.

2.  While it is so nice to have a bathroom with a shower in our room, the showers are more of an indention in the sheet rock with water (think tiny).  While trying to figure out how to shave my legs in this tiny space, I fell out of the shower and pulled the emergency cord by accident.  Yes, that was a hard one to explain to the medical team that responded to the emergency signal.

3.  After washing/drying clothes in the laundry room, unbeknownst to me I left a trail of clothes in my wake as I walked back to our room.  I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks when the male nurse brought me one sock, a pair of underwear and my bra that he picked up in the hall way.

4.    When Spencer is admitted to the hospital and we are making our way passed the nurses desk to our room, they all look at me and say, "NO, we still have not put in a margarita machine!"  Hmmm, guess I must mention it quite frequently.

5.  Spencer has had some amazing Physical/Occupational Therapists over the years but one in particular, Frank, is a total hoot.  When he sees me in the hall he yells very loudly, "Hey Mom, DHS is on their way to talk to you about that incident last night with the wine."  Uh ok, the look on the faces of anyone within earshot is priceless.

6.  Prior to any surgery, the anesthesiologist comes and talks to us to go over the procedure and to see if we have any questions.  Once, Spencer had surgery scheduled for 6:00 a.m. so the anesthesiologist came in at 4:00 a.m.  Evidently, I was sleeping soundly and after calling my name twice, she reached over and tapped me on the leg to which I responded by jumping out of bed, tripping over the chair and screaming, "WHAT!!!!"  I don't know who was more scared, me or her!

7.  Remember the small bathroom we talked about in previous embarrassing moments?  Well, that same bathroom has a commode with no cover over the seat and it is where I have to get dressed each morning so guess what I have dropped in the toilet over the years:  countless bras, socks, my hairbrush, a shoe, shampoo, pajama bottoms, deodorant and my favorite hair clip.

8.   In the old days (like 1999), the chairs that converted to a bed were a little less than desirable.  One night, I somehow got folded into the middle of the bed like like a sandwich folded in half, and with the help of two nurses, I was finally able to escape!  I could still hear the laughing at the nurses' station two hours later.

And my favorite:

9.  I once went a full week without leaving the hospital and when I did finally leave, I could not for the life of me remember where I parked my car.  I spent 30 minutes walking around the front parking lot with my remote raised in the air, steadily clicking my open door/alarm button.  The security guard drove by and stopped to help and we continued cruising through all of the parking lots out front.  Finally, we drove around to the back of the building and found my car in the very back of the back lot (to this day I still don't remember parking it there) with the doors unlocked, the hatchback raised and the alarm going off.  Wow, that remote was really good!

I love this thought:  sometimes difficult things happen to us so that the glory and power of God can be revealed in and through us, so we might as well make the best of a bad situation and laugh.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
~Hebrews 11:1

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