Did you ever read the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting"? I devoured two editions while I was pregnant with each of my boys. The original version I read when I was pregnant with Spencer and the revised edition for Cole. It was a wealth of knowledge on everything from the changes your body will go through during pregnancy to changing your babies first diaper. But no where in any of the editions I read did it even come close to preparing you for how extremely difficult being a parent is mentally.
I remember my biggest fear when the boys were young was that I wouldn't be able to clean their noses (I am totally grossed out by noses) or handle if one of them got hurt. My brother was always getting hurt and requiring stitches for one reason or another and my thought was if my children were accident prone like Dwayne, then I was in big trouble.
Spencer is 16 and Cole is 14 and my fear of being able to heal hurts and illnesses are giving way to being able to offer Godly advice and lift their spirits when they need it the most. Being a teenager these days is so much tougher than when I grew up and, especially, when our parents or grandparents were growing up.
How do I respond when Cole asks what God has planned for him? I admit to him that I honestly wonder about the same thing sometimes for me and then we talk about listening to God's voice through our quiet time and prayer.
What do I say when Spencer tells me that every morning he asks himself two questions..."One, am I going to be able to provide for myself by making a living, being able to live on my own and go places on my own? And, two, how much more can my body take?" I assure him that of course he will be able to be independent and that God does not guarantee us a set amount of time on this earth so we have to make the best of the short stay we have and do the best we can.
He goes to bed and I sit on the floor and cry.
Does it get easier? I like to hope so but I doubt it. Will I be better prepared for the next tough question that is asked of me? Mmmm, probably not. Would I trade my life with anyone else? Absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, NO. I know I am right where God wants me to be.
Any of you ever have one of these days?
"Grandchildren are like a crown to the elderly, and the glory of children is their parents."
~Proverbs 17:6
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